It’s remarkable how the weather can affect one’s mood. Or on the contrary, does one’s mood alter the weather. Is it me and my erratic emotions who created the torturous winter we all seemed to suffer through? Am I only just now coming into a better sense of myself with the dawn of spring, sunshine and blossoms? I’m not entirely sure. But what I am sure of is that after this winter, I’ve never felt more intune with the arrival of spring and it’s bloom. And that I too, am finally blooming.
I’m going to go out on a limb here and speak for everyone when I say that this winter, was the worst winter ever. This damn winter. This winter that lasted from November until the damn near end of April. This damn MESS OF A WINTER. Sorry, I’m calling it. And it was in the midst of this dark, cold, heavy, seemingly endless winter, that I felt my life falling into a similar pattern.
As some of you know, or may have read in my end of year blog post “In 2017 I Grew”, my boyfriend Alex and I have been living in our own separate hometowns with our parents since June 2017. And to be honest, these past 11 months of long distance relationship BS, have been totally and completely challenging. And much like the winter, it also felt dark, cold, heavy and at times, seemingly endless.
Our end goal was always for me to follow him into Toronto where he works, find a new job for myself and get an apartment together in the city. But this proved to be much more difficult than anticipated.
Several times were our bi-weekly weekend trips to visit one another cancelled because of the wild winter weather. Two weeks of not seeing each other turned into three, which turned into four. And much like the barrelling blizzards that seemed virtually endless, so did this phase of our relationship. The light at the end of the tunnel seemed to grow dimmer and snowier, and I was left feeling defeated and hopeless.
I just wanted for things to go back to normal for Alex and I. Normal. Our own normal that we’d had in our own little apartment in our neighbourhood of the city that we’d first met in. We made the choice to move back in with our parents for logical and rational reasons. But my logic was becoming skewed and my own rationale was growing thin. I just knew I wanted to be together again! And soon.
It was only a few weeks ago that both the weather and my emotional state began to clear. After one last brutal and fierce winter storm weekend, things finally began to shift. The sun started to shine more and Alex and I saw more of each other. The temperature started to rise and so did my hope. Spring had arrived and with it came a renewed sense of optimism for my life, faith and future.
Last week on a beautiful sunny Sunday, on what felt like one of the first most perfect spring days, Alex and I spent the day in Toronto viewing apartments. And to our surprise, we found one! We found the apartment we’d been waiting for. The apartment we’d been hoping for. The apartment that after a deep, dark, lonely winter of angst and uncertainty, arrived to us like a spring breeze casting away the last winter chill.
Several days later as we drove through our soon-to-be neighbourhood to sign our new lease (and our new lease on life), I noticed blossoms on the trees for the first time this season. I noticed blossoms in pink and white and yellow. I noticed how they gave the once weary winter trees a wonderful new look. The trees that suffered through the same winter as the rest of us, still bloomed once they were finally ready. And I’m finally ready now too. I’m finally blooming.
Shirt: H&M (old), link to similar
Skirt: Forever 21
Hat: Forever 21 (old), link to similar